When will you treat yourself?
If there is one thing I’ve learned, especially during this period of lockdown, is that time waits for no one. One does not need to wait for anyone to make things happen. And sometimes, that includes dating. If you’re single, loving yourself is equally as important as having someone love you.
I know many of you think I’m this extrovert, social butterfly that perpetually hops from events to events and meeting different people. (God, sometimes I actually schedule people to meet me at hourly intervals in the same spot so I can cover more interactions). Contrary to that belief, I actually appreciate a lot of “me-time” and when I do “me-time”, it has to be just as good as a beautiful date night. Here’s how I would throw one.
Pick a playlist
There’s no rule to this. It depends on the mood that you’re going for. I often think of the great vibe I get from roaming the streets of Paris so I’d sometimes pick a 1970s French playlist while I prepare the next series of activities. Other times, I just play my favorite pop playlist (in instrumental) for familiar grounds but not like I’m in some trashy bars.
Next, start making your favorite cocktails
I usually go for a classic vodka soda because I swear by this diet. But, for a classic date night, you may want something more sophisticated that elevates the mood (because, why not spoil yourself?). It really creates this space for you to explore what you like and tweak the flavor to your preference.
Dinner, always dinner
How could you not have a simple and beautiful dinner? I make every effort to ensure food tastes excellent, coupled with a proper setup and plating. Like it or not, both plating and taste are equally important in the way I like my food to be. Plus, the satisfaction of incorporating a bit of effort into plating the food you make is priceless. You should definitely be enjoying that dinner with your favorite tipple.
Throw in an optional bubble bath
Not everyone has a bath at home but if you do, some hot water and bubbles (both the soap bubbles and bubbles you’re drinking, of course) would do you a great night of relaxation. I often diffuse my favorite essential oil blend during the bath to achieve optimum benefits. What is there NOT to like about a bath with a tinge of aromatherapy treatment?
There you go. A quick, simple, and elegant way of spending some time loving yourself so you can keep giving more love to people around you. I don’t know about you, but for someone who is constantly socializing, having a moment to recuperate and regenerate fresh ideas for meaningful interactions goes a long way.
If you fancy “me-times”, tell me what you do. I would be glad to pick up new ideas from you.
Making the best out of Ms Rona... because staying positive is the way to go
So…because Singapore is on a Circuit Breaker, I guess that’s when I decided to not write anything. It has been such a crazy beginning of the year with Covid-19 cramming all our styles. If this did not happen, I would now actually be writing a piece on how much I love New York as I sip on a shitty cup of venti latte from Starbucks in Madison Avenue.
Ms Rona does not need any introduction to any of you, but the bigger question is, how has the lockdown been affecting you? I’m definitely one of the affected ones. As you know, I’m such a social animal that being isolated with no social interactions actually is annoying. Even working hours feel a lot longer as there is no clear break in the setting of your workplace. That said, I’m not looking at this in a negative light. If there is one thing you should know, I am a glass-half-full kind of guy so I make the best out of every situation, just because.
Besides panic shopping for totally unnecessary things (you’ll know if you follow me on Instagram), here are some conscious actions I make to ensure I continue to stay active and maintain strong mental health:
Keeping a workout routine, even if it’s at home
I’ve lost all those Dad bod and I’m not about to let a virus take that away (or rather give back to me). Keeping fit and healthy has become part and parcel of my personal priority. Despite the lockdown, I’m thankful for a personal trainer who personally follows through your routine and set goals with me. I’m also glad that there is so much online materials including companies like Down Dog that give out free usage during this difficult time. One can continue learning and practising your favorite yoga sessions at your own time, and at your own pace. I also schedule in at least 30 minutes of walks every day around the neighborhood to clock in some steps. More importantly, it’s something you can look forward to that is different from work.
Upping the culinary skills
Frankly, I’ve always enjoyed cooking, and I like eating pretty things. I’m often fascinated by people who can cook and make it aesthetically pleasing. I’ve been watching a lot of Gordon Ramsay and Nigella at the table, obviously. But hey, if you want to do something, do it well, am I right? I’ve signed up for Masterclass and I’ve been following a few healthy chefs on Youtube. So, check out some of these new foods (including some baking!) I’ve been making and testing out compositions and plating.
Breaking the script with close friends
I genuinely missed my friends and the times we can dress up and go out for a great time of food and banter. But who says you can’t do that with your friends, even if it means it goes off script a little. I threw a “Secret Dinner” session with the crew and mandated everyone to dress up. The rule though, I’ve assigned specific people to different friends and the task is to order and deliver food to the other person. Clearly, people were rambling about what the other person will like but give a tad bit of challenge to the process so they’d better work b*tch (queue Britney).
There are a few other things that I’ve embarked on, but that’s a story for another day. I choose to stay grateful and thankful for a homely place I can call home, good friends who deal with my bullshit virtually, and most importantly, health that I can still be sitting here writing this.
I hope you are staying engaged to people around you and keeping yourself busy by picking up a new skill or two. You can emerge out of this with new experiences and skills that will make you a lot more interesting as a person.
2010s, thank you for a spectacular decade
It’s the end of a decade, they say. Looking back at the last 10 years, there have been so many changes and all I see is progress, progress, and progress. Progress not only in your life but the way the world around us has evolved.
Personally, I’ve seen much growth, having gone through really exciting times and places I never thought I would be from a 20 year old to a 30 year old. A decade ago, I couldn’t even imagine going beyond Malaysia for vacation but through the last 10 years, I’ve seen much more of the world than I could ever imagine and that surely changes the perspectives in life. I thought I would work in Malaysia forever and live that preconceived idea of life but I have now lived and worked in different countries. Will Singapore be my final destination - who the hell knows?
That’s the funny part about life though, you can never plan the life events and circumstances but you can always hold true to your beliefs that will steer the course for you. I’ve held on to some of these principles and I’m constantly mindful of them every day of my life.
1 - “Seek first the Kingdom of God
…and HIs righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you” Matthew 6:33. The truth of the matter is, God holds my destiny in His hands. If He can send his son to die for me, he can hold my destiny and I’m sure He will set my path. If all I have to do is to put Him first and I get the desires of my heart, the overflowing blessings, and His joy, that’s exactly what I will do.
2 - Stay hungry, stay foolish
I don’t mean to strive to be poor or stupid, but really to keep the hunger in you to want to learn more, to explore more and to do more. The world is changing at such immense speed, you cannot possibly stop learning and the moment you stop learning, that’s when you’re dead. Always find the purpose in what you’re doing because that’s what drives you. If what you’re doing has no purpose, then stop doing it (don’t even consider, just stop).
3 - Focus on things that matter and embrace failure
If you have set clear goals and objectives on what you want to achieve, focus on actions that can help you achieve that. Don’t get distracted by other things, other people and set your eyes straight at the prize. If you have to look left and right on what other people are doing, you will surely be driven off course. You may be going on unchartered territories, you may have fear of failure but all you have to lose is time but learning from any failures is the start to a new success.
4 - Stop caring about what people think
Stay true to yourself and own your decisions. If you have to spend time getting upset over what people say and trying to change yourself for them, you are not spending enough time doing what matters. Remember, people will always have their opinions but at the end of the day, it boils down to what you’re doing about it. Sure, you may be wrong sometimes, but you have to remain true to what you believe.
5 - Be thankful, stay humble but be confident
You should celebrate and be confident about the successes you have achieved - big or small. Humility does not mean you have to negate your success - that’s false humility. It’s one thing to be proud of the achievements that will push you through to another level and another to be arrogant and arrogance is just gross.
I don’t think I can summarize all the achievements of 2019 but I do have my Instagram #BestNine as just the tip of the iceberg.
In the next decade, starting with 2020, I want to focus on things that matter - family and friends, community building and a more purposeful career.
What have you achieved this decade and what do you have in store for the next decade? I can’t wait to hear from you.
All I want for Christmas is You
Christmas is definitely the most wonderful time of the year - with good friends, amazing Christmas songs and decorations. It’s one of those festivities where you feel so happy and festive, you just want to keep singing. And this year, I’m particularly happy when Mariah’s “All I want for Christmas is You” made it to #1 after 25 years - a feat that no other artists have!
To celebrate that, thought I’d post a few nice Christmas shots I have from celebrations this year commemorating the beautiful decors and special moments with friends.
Throwing a Friendsgiving party like you’re Mariah
“Thanksgiving - an annual national holiday in the United States and Canada celebrating the harvest and other blessings of the past year. “
This festivity means nothing to me as an Asian growing up in Asia. I’m taught to be thankful for everything, every day! Since I moved to Singapore, I can only be more thankful, particularly the friends I’ve made - such a diverse and unique bunch and I won’t trade them for anything else.
So, I’ve started my form of annual Thanksgiving, “Friendsgiving” because these are the friends who embrace diversity, celebrate differences and accept everyone for who they are. This year, I decided to celebrate this in the comfort of waves and vitamin D. I chartered a yacht from YMPL (highly recommend - great price and service was spectacular).
As with any kelvinkuan event, I try to make things a little more extra and personalized. If it’s not extra, you know it’s not an event by me and true friends will understand me. Thought I’d share my thought process here so if it’s your first time throwing a Friendsgiving, you can start here.
1 - firm up your guest list
Always know how many people you plan on inviting. It’s important to keep the party small so you can plan well and everyone will experience the moments you curate and have enough time to connect with others. If you have to ask “should I invite Felicia?”, the answer is probably no!
2 - send out “Save the Dates” and personalized “Invites”
I know you think it’s too extra to send out Save the Dates, but this gives you a good sense of your guests’ interests and availability (and also to buy time making the personalized invite). Your guests will appreciate the thoughtfulness of their names printed on the invite and clear instructions on what to expect - dress code, if there’s food, if there’s booze. Your friends will know you mean serious business if you have a personalized card - also you don’t need a wedding to be this extra because your friends are equally special at any moment in time.
As a drink, I like “Don’t Call me Angel” the most
3 - name your booze
I asked my mixologist friend, Reshawn (his drinks are amazing by the way!) to help me make free-flow cocktails and champagne. I want my friends to just chill and get whatever drinks they want without lifting a finger. I sat down with Reshawn to come up with a few drinks that will suit the overall taste palates of those who are coming. Of course, I then named the drinks using references suited to the theme of the event, and more importantly, represented me as the host.
4 - food, food, food
When there’s so much booze involved, always make sure there’s enough food. A good yardstick of the number of dishes - one large main carb, one large main meat and 2 to 3 sides of salads and other meat. I would usually cook but since we’re out at the boats, I ordered a customized catering plan from the trusted caterer - Neo Garden. They do a great selection of food, especially during festival seasons of such. Your job then is to arrange the food to make it look lush and plentiful - after all, it’s meant to be a feast after harvest!
5 - curate a playlist
If you don’t have Spotify, then just go and get one. They have a lot of good public playlists that you can choose from. If you are as ambitious as I am, try curating a specific playlist for the event itself. This goes from knowing the type of music that your guests like and it’s important to have a good build up of songs from arrival, to when people are having a chat in the beginning to when people are all in a party mode. I cannot stress the importance of music at a party as it determines the mood of everyone!
The stress of hosting a personalized event goes right up to the moment your guests arrive and when everyone is in a happy mode (especially after a glass of welcome champagne, it always works!). Despite having to maybe scream at your cab driver for driving slow and making you late or hating yourself for forgetting to bring something you should have, it’s all worth it and that’s when you shake it off and have the time of your life.
I think my biggest takeaway here is that I’m able pull together a few different group of friends and to see them connect after the event. These are good people and they deserve to make more new, likeminded friends and continue to help each other grow. When people say, “remember during Friendsgiving…” even after a few months, that gives me the pleasure of knowing I have created moments of elevation and connection in one of the days in their lives.
I may not know everything about creating these personalized moments and I’m happy to hear from you. Let me know your thought process so I can learn from you.
Dad bod be gone - Resisting change
I was invited to join Matt Benfell (then hated trainer, now friend) to meet him for a consultation and workout session to set some objectives and aspirations. I thought I was making okay money to use it as a form of motivation to get that transformation - forcing myself to go workout because I paid for it. In my line of work and my social life, basically keeping in shape is almost impossible, or so I thought.
In my mind, I had these amazing images in my head with 6-packs and toned arms that I can get in a short period of time. As with any transformation, there will always be a series of changes that need to happen and I, of all people, as a transformation expert (admittedly a strong one in work context) should understand this.
Little did I know, subconsciously I was resisting that change like anyone going through that phase would and I’m not proud of it. Here’s how I looked, as you would agree, it’s perfect for Coachella.
Having a 79 kilo dad bod
Let me start you off with the three things Matt told me which I happily scoffed at but played along.
1 - You need to cut down on your booze, particularly wine, champagne and gin & tonics…
“So…you’re asking me to just drink water?” was the first statement I made. Also, if you knew me, champagne is my absolute favorite drink. Cutting on it is a no-go. I thought he was ludicrous for even suggesting such change, it’s almost laughable. As I thought about how funny it was, I was sipping champagne off my glass.
2 - You need to introduce breakfast to your diet
I get it! According to Kellogg’s, breakfast is the most important meal of the day (says no one ever). I don’t have time for breakfast. All I can do is a cup of coffee in the morning so it gets me going and I barely have time for lunch at my desk. Also, isn’t eating more just going to make me fatter, I need to be on a deficit? Anyway, I promised I’ll try to have some breakfast when I can.
3 - Try to slot in more veggies and proteins and start recording what you eat so you keep to your calorie count
Okay Matt, I’m not about that. I am at best an omnivore, at worst, a carnivore (sweet and sour pork for lyfe!). The only thing I did was to have more salads from Workspace when I’m in the city but it will be impossible for me to have that if I’m at my other office.
“It’s too hard, I’ll try my best” is all I said and I was determined to go to the gym more. I remember the times where I often turn up half an hour late, cancelling last minute and being absolutely pissed at how I’m asked to do some crazy ass workouts after a long day of work.
As a result, even after 2 months, dad bod remains…
As a point of reflection, change does not come without resistance. If I applied what I preach at work, I should really be the change, embrace the change instead of being forced to change - that’s when you will gain success. Stay tuned to see what I did after a moment of realization.